Today I’m praying that we would redefine “family.”  I love my son more than anything else in this world.  As I was hugging him and kissing him and murmuring how much I love him in his little ear, I was struck with the conviction that I cannot horde my love for him.  I cannot keep it all to myself.  Today I’m praying that mommies and daddies across the world would increase the borders of their love.  That God would give us a heart and passion for the kids in this world who have no one.  Alex and I love Elliott, Baby Slash, Bosco, George, and 300+ orphans living in Adecar.  They are part of our family.  We can be spiritual mommies and daddies. 

I’m praying that today each person would take the next step.  If you’re not sponsoring a child, do it!  Increase your family!  Be a mommy or daddy for another child who needs you!  If you’re already sponsoring a child, sit down today and write to your child.  Breathe words of truth and love, life-giving words to a lonely child who needs to hear them.  Don’t worry about whether or not you’ve heard from your child.  I don’t love my son based on what he gives me.  Thankfully, God doesn’t love me based on what I give Him.  Today, I’ll write Bosco and George because I love them and they are a part of my family. 

Maybe it’s becoming a sponsor (Contact me if it is!), maybe it’s writing to your sponsored child, maybe it’s a child on your street that needs encouragement, or a child in your daughter’s class.  Today, DON’T HORDE YOUR PARENTING!  The more I extend the borders of my family, the more I want to open up.  I don’t want to limit my mommying to my biological child, or even to my future adopted children.  I want to share my mom-ness, my mom-oscity with kids who need me, to Bosco in Ngarium, to George in Adecar, and to all the kids living in Adecar and Uganda.  I want to take the love and nurturing that God has given me and share it with any child who needs it.  Being a mother is the greatest gift imaginable.  I never take it for granted.  What a privilege to parent!  And I cannot in good conscience take the gift that’s been given to me and hide it in my house.

Some might say that there’s only so much room in your heart and schedule.  Better to stick with the kids you have.  Your own child will suffer if you open up to too many others.  I don’t think that’s true!  The more I love, well, the more I love.  The more I love Elliott, the more my love expands and I have more and more and more love to extend to others.  God is love, and He’s the source of all love, and He doesn’t run out!  The more I love, the fuller I feel, the more love spills out of me. 

I have a stack of sweet kids right here on my desk who need to hear that someone cares about them, that God the Father loves them.  So today, expand the borders of your family.  Don’t horde your parenting!

I was catching up on other people’s blogs and saw where someone mentioned something about her adoption process.  Oh yeah.  That’s one of the reasons I have this blog, to keep the people I love informed about our adoption process.  My bad.  Okay, so about a week and a half ago, the Ethiopian government changed it’s law about court (It’s allowed!  I’m just grateful that my beloved Ethiopia is accepting of international adoptions, so I’m not going to complain about the way it chooses to handle them!).  We had signed over power of attorney to our agency’s in country staff to go to court for us, but now we’ll need to appear in court, and then come back 3-6 weeks later to take our child home.

Pros:

1. Two trips to Ethiopia!

2. Getting to meet our baby sooner than expected!

3. Two chances to fill our suitcases with humanitarian aid and visit Children’s HopeChest carepoints!

Cons:

1. Double the travel costs

2. The worst one…having my baby in my arms, being legally his/her mommy, and having to hand him/her back to the nanny and get on a plane!

So anyway, sorry I failed to mention the big adoption update.  The update is – more time in Africa.  We knew getting into this that adoption is a crazy world involving big faith.  God’s in charge and will unite us with Baby Slash in His perfect timing.  Whew!  I just felt my faith get bigger.  It felt good!

I’ve had something pressing on me for awhile now, and today I’m finally releasing it a bit.  Poof!  Relief.  It feels good.  I feel the weight of the orphans in Adecar, but as of…wait for it…right…NOW…I no longer feel this bizarre pressure to perform the role of miracle worker.  I can’t.  Advocating for orphans is hard.  It’s slow.  Sometimes I feel like a freak for caring.  An ineffective freak.  But my job is to put one foot in front of the other, tackle this monumental task one orphan at a time, and leave the freakin’ results up to God.  Just like I can’t make people believe in Christ, but can only share my story and His love and truth and leave the results to Him, I also cannot make people sponsor orphans.  I can share my heart for orphans, provide information about their plight, describe their living conditions, implore people to get involved, but I can’t write checks for other people.  And you know what?  I’m okay with that.  There is such freedom in knowing that God changes hearts and spurs His people to action.  If not for God, I wouldn’t be sitting here writing this blog.  If not for God, I wouldn’t have a filing cabinet full of orphan profiles.  If not for God, I wouldn’t give a crap about orphans.  And the second, the SECOND I start thinking that I have any kind of power to move hearts or that any of my actions are because of my own goodness, I fall prey to the lie of performance.  If my life is about performance, then I’m either performing so that one group of people will see how incredible I am at helping orphans or I’m performing so that an entirely different group of people will see how normal I am and how well I fit in to mainstream American culture.  If my life is about performance, I can’t win.  God is the true winner, the true doer, and my life is just an offering poured out for His glory. 

So, pour me out, God!  Let me be a part of Your redemptive plan for these kids and for my community.  I just want to work, and I’ll leave EVERYTHING up to You.  For You, by You, because of You.  Wheee!  That’s freedom.

Hi, Baby Slash.  I just got all my vaccines to visit Uganda in May.  And one that I don’t need for Uganda but do need for Ethiopia – to get you!  When I was pregnant with your brother Elliott, I got poked with lots of needles, so getting shots to come get you is just part of this mommy’s job.  I don’t know if you’re at the orphanage yet.  I think about you every day.  Your daddy and I are getting ready to go play with hundreds and hundreds of orphans in Uganda.  These sweet kiddos fill my brain and jump up and down in my heart.  I can’t wait to hug them all!  And I can’t wait to hug you, over and over, forever.  I’m grieving with you right now as you are experiencing a tragedy.  For whatever reason, you are either in an orphanage or on your way to one soon, and my heart is breaking for you.  I’m praying that God will shower you with love and protection, will help you feel loved and surrounded with comfort, that He’ll hide you in the shelter of His wings.  I’m devastated for you right now, Slash.  I want to be there to make it all better.  I will be soon.  I have the biggest privilege in the world, of being part of God’s redemptive plan for you.  I am preparing a place for you in our home, just as God’s preparing a place for you in His home.  You are anticipated; you are wanted; you have a place in this family and in God’s family.  I’m devastated for your current circumstances but I’m overjoyed for what’s to come.  Oh the joy of being adopted into our family and Adopted into God’s family!  I cannot wait to tell you all about it.

I’ve been a terrible blogger lately.  I have so much going on in my head and I can’t figure out what, if anything, to write about.  One huge theme right now is God very clearly reminding me that I don’t need to try to make Him attractive to people.  He doesn’t need an advance team.  He doesn’t need me to pull out my very best “relevant Christian” act.  He’s God!  He draws people to Himself because He is love and He is what we need.  I cannot make Him look cool.

You know those families with all the good kids that love the Lord?  You know, the families where everyone goes, “What are they doing right and how do I learn how to do that, too?”  Recently I visited one of those families.  Elliott’s babysitter, an incredible girl who loves the Lord with her whole heart, was in a terrible golf carting accident that nearly took her life.  We went over to visit with her.  Elliott and I pulled up to her curb in our golf cart.  We saw high school guys and girls playing soccer on the front lawn.  More kids hanging out in front of the garage.  We walked inside, more teenagers.  Our sweet babysitter was lying on the couch talking with more friends.  Everywhere I looked, I saw Bible verses.  Her dad immediately started playing with Elliott and showing him all the musical instruments in the house.  As I spoke with our sitter, I heard the piano, the drum set, and a guitar, all playing worship music.  I found Elliott sitting at the drum set, having the time of his life, and the dad taking pictures of him telling me how gifted my son is.  The mom walked over to me and just breathed life into me about Elliott’s speech delays, and shared her wisdom on decisions about preschool.  These parents had almost lost one of their children the day before, yet they took the time to encourage me, a young mom, and show my son attention and love.  I was blown away.  They were so present in that home.  Not on the phone.  Not working around the house.  They were present and invested in the young lives around them.  They have so much love for Christ that it spilled out onto the kids in the house.  I didn’t want to leave.  I felt so accepted and…full of joy.  No one was watching TV.  No one was playing video games.  They don’t have a fancy house filled with the latest gadgetry.  Their home is filled with the love of Christ and relationships.

So often I’ve fallen for the lie that we as parents need to create an exciting house that will lure kids to want to hang out in it.  And the lie that we as student ministry leaders need to create an over-the-top, mind-blowing experience to lure kids to love Christ.  Movies, gaming systems, prizes, me out of the way enough so as not to scare them off.  I’m not buying it anymore.  Literally, I’m not BUYING it.  No more buying things in order to sell Christ.  I think if we can work on loving Christ and really digging into Him, soaking up His love for us, then His love will exude out of us and THAT will make us attractive to our kids and their friends. 

I found further confirmation for this realization over the weekend at a retreat with my 8th grade girls.  On Saturday night, we took turns going around the circle and telling each other what we love about each other.  It was one of the girls’ ideas.  I thought, sure, this’ll be a fun little half-hour exercise.  It took us 2-3 hours.  We didn’t finish till after 1am.  There we were, sitting in someone’s gorgeous home theater with a screen the size of the whole wall, and it wasn’t on.  No one was texting.  We just sat and spoke love to one another.  We laughed hysterically and we cried with overwhelming joy.  And when it was my turn, I had the privilege of hearing what I was doing right – being myself, loving them, glowing when I see them…you get the idea.  Relationships.  Not stuff.  Such a good lesson.  I’m learning it as a youth leader and as a parent, and I hope as Elliott gets older that I get it right.  I certainly have some good role models.