We got ANOTHER update on ESD today.  I’m feeling the Gladney love for sure.  These regular updates are fabulous.  Yes, they rip my heart out into tee-tiny pieces as I stare into my girl’s shining brown eyes and ache to squeeze her, but it is oh.  so.  sweet to see my baby grow.  They even sent a little email describing how she’s interacting socially and developing.  If I read it enough, it’s like I’m there with her.  Her hair is growing and it’s SO ADORABLE!!!  She has so much of it!  Her little legs look chubby and healthy and she always has the most curious, inquisitive expression on her face, her beautiful face.  Oh.  I’m in love.  I got my referral for my birthday, so could everybody please pray that I get my court date for Christmas?  Ha-ha, that would be quite the Christmas gift.  Pre-referral, the wait played tricks with my head a little – the not knowing where we were and who our child was.  This post-referral waiting is excruciating…and it’s a different wait.  Now I KNOW who my child is, and the love in my heart has exploded all over and it’s gooshing around my insides and seeping out my pores.  LOVE!!!  LOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVE!!!!!!!!!!!!  There’s more joy in the wait, but also more pain, the pain of separation from my daughter, my real, live daughter.  It’s like everything is heightened.  Like before I was blurry waiting, and now I’m clear waiting.

About a week and a half ago, we got an update on ESD.  A new picture and her new development chart.  So much joy…and it’s so real that we’re missing her life right now.  In her picture, she looked another month older.  Babies change so much each month.  She’s hit several new development milestones.  Sigh.  And I’m missing it all.  It’s so hard waiting here.  She’s so real now.  God’s been growing her in my heart for so long that I truly feel bonded to her.  She’s my daughter.  Before we can get her, we’ll celebrate Christmas without her.  Before she’s officially ours, we’ll throw her a first birthday party…without her.  She’ll probably take her first steps without us.  We’re missing so much.  It stinks.  It hurts.  The other day, Alex, Elliott, and I were playing Yahtzee, Jr., and the scenario felt incomplete.  Where was our daughter?  She should’ve been there, teething and pulling up on the coffee table.  Groan.  I have so much to thank God for right now.  So much.  I don’t deserve any of these incredible blessings.  So I don’t want to mope along until we bring her home.  But I can’t deny the decidedly mope-alicious feelings flapping in my tummy.  My face looks just like my daughter’s face in her latest update photo – big pouty lip.  On Thanksgiving, I made my newborn niece belly laugh, and it was a highlight of the day for me.  Her normally serious, thoughtful face opened into this gorgeous, winsome smile and she just let loose the cutest chortle, over and over and over.  I loved every minute.  I wanted to do anything I could think of to make her do it again.  And I couldn’t help but think about my own daughter’s pouty lip and how much I want to make her laugh! 

Court date court date court date.  Please come soon.

Alex and I are consumed with thoughts of our baby girl.  We can’t wait to bring her home, and the months stretch out in front of us, filled with hope and longing.  I have a daughter.  Right now, she is an orphan, but soon, soon, soon, she’ll be coming home with us, and she’ll have a mommy and daddy to take care of her.  I am profoundly grateful to be that mommy.

But what of the other orphan girls in the world?  The ones who aren’t going home soon?  The ones with no one to love them and protect them?  What about them?  What will happen to them?  2 billion children are trapped in sex slavery.  2 billion.  That’s too many to count.  How about 5?  5 girls.  This Christmas, I want to raise $500 to rescue 5 girls from this fate.  5 girls who don’t have mommies and daddies to love them and protect them.  God has filled my life with so much love.  I have enough love in my life to share some of it with 5 girls who don’t have any.  This Christmas, please help me provide protection and safety and love and hope to 5 girls who aren’t going to get it from anywhere else.  Share your Christmas.

This year, I’ve cut back on a lot of little things that I hardly notice.  I will never win an award for my sacrifices.  They are so small that I’m embarrassed to admit that I don’t even feel them.  I’ve whacked my Chick-fil-A sweet tea addiction with a machete.  I buy less meat and substitute with beans.  I’ve cut out all but the handful of pumpkin spice lattes at Starbucks.  I order water at restaurants.  I’ve stopped shopping for clothes unless it’s birthday money or if something truly wears out and I need to replace it.  I’ve switched from name-brand juices at Publix to store-brand.  I’ve cut back on presents and am making several of them.  I’ve quit the gym (Um, I feel the loss of this one the least.).  All of these sacrifices are incredibly un-sacrificial.  And yet, every dollar matters.  So, I’m excited to announce a little end-of-year challenge. 

Children’s HopeChest is running a fundraising campaign called “Change Their Story.”  Those of us participating get our own online spot to raise money for the cause of our choice.  This Christmas, I’m choosing to focus my efforts on stopping child trafficking in Russia.  Two million kids are trapped in sex trafficking, some getting victimized up to 40 times a day.  Go to my site HERE and donate what you can.  Here’s the best part:  a donor has stepped up to MATCH whatever we raise.  You have the chance to double your impact on the world.  So today, give up your sweet tea, your waffle fries, part of your Christmas gift budget, whatever, and put that money HERE.  If a bunch of us take a stand against crap we don’t need, together we’ll all reach out to some Russian girls who could really use our help.

You know, sex trafficking is on my mind and out my mouth.  And the topic is paralyzing.  I hear over and over i-can’t-think-about-that-what-can-i-do-it’s-horrible-but-it’s-too-big kind of thinking.  So true.  But this Christmas, I challenge everybody to DARE to think about it, let your minds explode with the brutal horror of it, and give up a frickin’ latte to do something about it.  So click HERE or HERE or HERE.  At the end of the campaign, whatever we raise, it’ll be matched.  Double the money, double the rescuing.   

Merry Christmas, Russian girls.  You’re worth more to me than a new pair of jeans and a sweater.  Jesus laid down His life for you.  I’m laying down my Christmas money.

I’ve had a few people ask me about Christmas shopping-for-a-cause ideas, so I thought I’d jot them down here all in one post, in case anyone else wants to know my favorite shopping spots.

Because Every Mother Matters - You can buy gorgeous headbands and yummy-smelling soy candles from my friend, Steffany, and support mothers in Ethiopia with your Christmas shopping!  As I write this post, I’m wearing one of my headbands and smelling one of my new pumpkin spice jar candles.

Saints Coffee - I cannot rave enough about this coffee.  Every pound of coffee feeds an orphan for a month through Children’s HopeChest.  It’s micro-roasted, fair trade, totally fabulous, and they have gift packs for Christmas.  Right now they’re running a deal on mugs, buy 2 pounds of coffee and get 50% off on mugs.  You can buy anything from a pound of coffee and a mug gift basket to monthly coffee delivered for a year.

Junk Posse Jewelry - I wear the necklace that Alex gave me every day.  The designer uses her jewelry sales to support Ethiopian adoptions and other awesome causes.

Water for Christmas - Charity: Water has a unique alternative to the present under the tree in the form of clean water solutions for people in Africa.  They also had a fabulous Etsy shop last Christmas that I’m hoping pops up again.

Lobsters in the Rough - A couple of fabulous Ethiopia-loving moms in Maine sell some really fun onesies and tee shirts for kids.  100% of the proceeds go to helping those in extreme poverty.  My favorite: the onesie with “Poverty Stinks” on the bum.  My daughter has one hanging in her closet waiting for her.

Moju Project - Their tagline is “Fashion to save the world.”  Perfect!  They sell men’s and women’s tee shirts and accessories, and everything you buy goes toward saving a life.  Their stuff is good quality, guaranteed, and reasonably priced.

Philanthropy Fashion- Okay, this is a long shot, but if you’re ever in Franklin, Tennessee, you HAVE to check out this store.  It’s a little like walking into Anthropologie, only everything in there is raising money to combat extreme poverty, building wells, doing good.  “Wearable compassion.”  I wanted to buy everything in there.  Yummy yummy clothes.  You can buy tee shirts online, which are really cute, but you’ll find all the others goodies in the store.  It may be worth a road trip.  Just sayin’.

Ugandan Paper Bead Necklaces – I still have a bunch from my trip and will sell them to you for $15 each plus a little for shipping.  Along with my Junk Posse necklace, I wear these pretty much every day.  They’re light, they go with everything, and they start conversations about Africa wherever I go.

Yawn.  I’m getting tired.  I’m quite sure that I’ve left a bunch of really great sites off my list, so if you have any, please leave me a comment and add to the list.  Where else should we spend our money this Christmas?