Today we passed court!!!  We are now her official parents!!!!!!  And that means, finally, we can share her beautiful face with you.  More details to come about embassy dates and getting her here, but for now, isn’t she the most beautiful girl EVER!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? 

Of course it happened today, a day when I actually left my computer and phone all day long.  Elliott and I went for a bike ride, then Mom and I took Elliott and my nephew to the pool.  Not our usual pool.  Not his usual pool.  We swam for hours and hours, and then as we were getting ready to leave, I pulled out my phone and said jokingly to Mom, “Wouldn’t it be so amazing if I find out we passed court when I turn on my phone?”  Haha.  And when I did, I saw that Alex had called me 11 times in a row.  Hope welled up and I tried to squash it down.  I called him, and as I reach him, he walks through the gate of the pool.  He’d checked my Outlook calendar and saw “pool with Mom” and went to 3 different pools in town to try to track us down.  Wanted me to find out before he called anyone else.  Love that man.  What a good hubby.  What a good daddy.  AHHHHH!!!!!  She’s ours!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows” James 1:16-18.

Relaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaxxx (said like Brian Regan when he does the bit about yoga).  I should probably just plan on not sleeping the rest of the week.  Maybe if I get tired enough from the incessant thought-parade in my squiggly brain, I’ll sleep more than my usual 20 minutes on the plane this weekend.  Heading to Uganda, without Alex, stopping over in Addis, without ESD, on the way to play with children, without Elliott.  Those are some hefty “withouts.”  Missing my girl already and gonna be tough heading back to my favorite place on earth without my man curled up next to me under the mosquito net.  As soon as Elliott is old enough to handle being suspended over the Atlantic in a metal tube for 13+ hours, he can finally meet his friend George, but until then, home and fun times with family. 

So, I’m feeling an acute sense of “without.”  But.  Lemme take a moment to praise my “With.”  My God, who says He’ll never leave or forsake me.  Who holds my right hand, who upholds me by His righteous right hand.  He is with me.  With me hefting heavy bags.  With me in my tiny airplane seat.  With me as my foot steps onto Ethiopian soil for just a little bit, just a little layover bit of sharing the same air with my daughter across the city.  So close, and yet…so far, so very far away. 

Who else is with me?  The team.  The God-designed, carefully God-picked, God-crafted team of people.  There are stories to share…later…so many Spirit-led journeys…what a privilege to walk with them….

We have a great week-and-a-half “planned.”  Haha, the word “plan” is an absolutely ludicrous word.  I’m finding it utterly ridiculous at the moment.  We have ideas held in open hands palms up for the Lord. 

As a team, we’ve spent the last several months (half a year?!?!?  has it been that long?) studying When Helping Hurts.  Such an amazing resource, and it’s scrambled up our ideas of “short term missions.”  Cross out the words short term.  We are part of an ongoing partnership, two communities coming alongside each other to receive healing and hope for both of us.  Cross out the word mission.  We are headed on a vision trip, to be learners, to be hearers, to build relationships. 

For me, the last few months of preparation have been a time of stripping away my old ideas of “missions” and starting over, restructuring everything.  The book shares a story about elephant and mouse having a party and elephant getting so excited and dancing wildly, and when the party ended, looking down to tell mouse “wasn’t it wonderful” and finding that in his ignorant exuberance, he’d crushed his friend.  Sobering.  Convicting.  I’ve been an elephant before.  Lord, give us the wisdom and discernment to be healthy, life-giving friends.

Last night after 4 hours of final preparations with the team, I shared this:

God’s already planned out our time there.  We don’t know how it’s going to go, but the important thing is that HE DOES!!!

“I say: My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please.  From the east I summon a bird of prey; from a far-off land, a man to fulfill my purpose.  What I have said, that will I bring about; what I have planned, that will I do.” Isaiah 46:10b-11

I know I’ve been quoting a lot of Isaiah lately.  What can I say?  It’s where I am right now, and I think God has me there for a reason, many reasons.  I stumbled upon these verses while I was clinging to Him about my daughter.  And in the midst of reading the heart of my God and receiving comfort and hope in that battle, He also popped out this nugget for my trip.  These verses are RELAXING.  These verses are the spiritual spa day.  I read them, and I go ahhhhhhhhhhh.  Because it’s not about me!!!!  Not about my planning, my travel, my itinerary, my team, my my my my.  HIS purpose will stand.  HE has PLANNED, and HE has the power to do. what. He. planned.  I don’t have that power.  Nothing I plan EVER seems to work out the way I see it in my head.  But His plans He’ll bring about.  He can.  He will.  And He can summon us from a far-off land to fulfill HIS purpose.  Not ours.  His.  Love that so much.  Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.  Relaaaaaaaaaaaaxxx.  Spiritual spa day.

We just got the news that we didn’t pass court…again. We’re still waiting on a positive opinion from MOWA. Back in the pile we go.

I have peace. And still bucketfuls of hope that someday soon we will hear good news. “Those who hope in me will not be disappointed” Isaiah 49:23b. Amen to that.

In Isaiah 46, God says “you whom I have upheld since you were conceived, and have carried since your birth. Even to your old age and gray hairs I am He, I am He who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you…I say: My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please. From the east I summon a bird of prey; from a far-off land, a man to fulfill my purpose. What I have said, that will I bring about; what I have planned, that will I do.”

God put us on this path. We could have never conceived it on our own. We would have never had the courage to imagine this journey without God’s clear, very clear guidance. And so, we look to Him with eager eyes for the day when He’ll bring this journey to fruition.

In Proverbs it says, “A hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is the tree of life.” I am heartsick. I allowed myself a few moments to look through all the photos that we have of her for the last nine months since her referral. Nine months of watching our daughter grow up in photos. Sigh.

Oh, that day when our longing is fulfilled. Oh, that day will feel so good. I daydream about the moment in the airport when our children meet each other for the first time. Elliott has already decided that there will be mylar balloons, one to give to her and one to keep for himself. I press my face up against the glass of that moment in time, gazing on it but unable to enter it…yet.

Still holding right hands with God. Our time will come.

I have a whole lot swirling around in my brains and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to pull it into a coherent blog post.  I guess I’ll just start typing now.   

First, before I get to adoption stuff, I just want to send out a huge thanks to all those Adacar-lovers out there who have filled up my dining room with care packages, homemade dresses, and tie-dyed tee shirts for our friends in Uganda.  So excited to pack everything up and head out with the team in a week and a half!!!  It’s weird leaving Alex behind this time, but I’m so jazzed to get to introduce 10 new people to the most beautiful place on the planet!  I’ll be blogging the trip, July 2-13, so stay tuned…and pray that we get some internet access!

Now, about that adoption stuff…this morning’s Beth Moore/Esther study did not disappoint.  She said, “It’s tough being a woman who can balance PASSION with PATIENCE.”  Arf.  Yes.  “Yet the Lord LONGS to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion.  For the Lord is a God of justice.  Blessed are all who WAIT for Him” (Isaiah 30:18).  Ms. Moore blew my mind again by sharing that the Hebrew word translated “longs” and “wait” is the same word.  That Hebrew word can be translated longing or waiting…they’re completely connected.  Yep.  I totally get that FOR SURE…and how amazing is it that GOD also experiences that longing/waiting feeling? 

She talked about trust.  How when we pray something and then immediately get it and say “thank You, God,” how that’s thanks, not trust.  Trust is the part when we pray and we don’t get it immediately.  That’s the part when we trust.  Wow.  What a privilege to get to work on my “trust” muscles right now!

Today the meeting that our in-country rep was supposed to have was interrupted mid-meeting before they covered our case.  Haha, I actually am kind of tickled about that.  Am I so crazed with anxiety over here that I’m losing my Lord-lovin’ mind?!?  Nope.  I’ve just come to rest fully on the hope that we have in God.  And the more human efforts fail, the more I’m getting ridiculously excited to watch God’s plan unfold.  I have become convinced that when He’s done with this project, He’s going to orchestrate it so that He receives ALLLLL the glory.  More Beth Moore wisdom: I am not responsible for the how.  Sooooo freeing!!!!!  And once I grabbed onto that, now I just see God in everything and I’m filled with this weird peace (that “peace that passes understanding,” or in the Melanie edition of the Bible, “peace that freaking makes no sense apart from God!”) and I’m so ready to watch Him blow our minds.  I have no expectation that it will occur this week.  That would be amazing.  Because please hear me, this waiting is PAINFUL.  No question about it.  I ache for my daughter.  But I don’t despair.  I’m filled with the peace that comes from trust in a trustworthy God.  So we’ll see how it all unfolds.    

I don’t fear.  Mmm…I’ve already outed myself about loving superheroes on this blog so I’ll just go ahead and talk about Green Lantern!  And if you aren’t a fan of superhero movies or Green Lantern specifically, SHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!  The whole crux of the movie is FEAR vs. WILL.  I immediately thought about my fear versus God’s will.  I could let my fear about all the unknowns with our adoption consume me and feed on my life force – haha, don’t make fun – OR, I can put my hope and trust in God’s will, which brings total peace even in the hard places, like when I don’t pass court…or Parallax tries to kill the whole planet.

Anywooo…the more things seem to get in our way and gunk us up, the more I get excited to watch God blow our minds.  He’s already doing that almost daily for me, as the words leap off the page of my Bible so much clearer than when life is peachy in Peachtree City.

We did have a wonderful surprise in the mail today.  Remember how I got a Holy Spirit wake up call last Tuesday at 4:22am?  Well, today we got our immigration renewal in the mail, less than a week after I called them and they hadn’t even logged in our paperwork yet.  Thank You, Jesus.  So, our girl is all set to enter our country.  We’re still waiting and longing and hoping and trusting for her to be allowed to leave hers!

“In this world you will have many troubles, but take heart!  I have overcome the world.”  And He didn’t even need a magic glowing green ring!

I feel like I’m drinking from a fire hose of God’s grace and providence today!  I don’t even know if I’ll be able to explain how amazing God is, but I’m sure enough gonna try.  At 4:22am, the Spirit awoke me and all I could think about was our immigration renewal paperwork that I’d sent in over a month ago.  I waited and waited until they were open and immediately called and asked about our status.  They couldn’t find our paperwork!  The woman told me that she’d look and call me back.  Right as that was happening, an adoption friend who I’ve never met before posted on Facebook asking people to pray for miracles for ours and a couple of others’ adoptions.  RIGHT AT THE MOMENT WHEN I REALLY NEEDED A MIRACLE!!!  And I got one!  A few minutes later, the officer called me right back.  She found my paperwork, it hadn’t been assigned to anyone yet, and she would get it done before our deadline, no worries.  MIRACLE!!!  And thank You, Holy Spirit, for the 4am wake-up!

I had been reading through Isaiah and made it to chapter 41 before I laid it aside to study Beth Moore’s Esther a couple of months ago.  Today, I picked it up and chapters 41-43 just about laid me flat.  Over and over, God talks about holding our hand, upholding us with His hand, hand hand hand.  Such cool imagery.  I literally squeezed my hand in a ball as if squeezing His hand back.  Whoa.  And it just hit me.  In chapter 41, He talks about holding our right hand and He talks about upholding us with His righteous right hand.  So…does that mean that He’s facing us?  He’s not standing next to us holding our right hand with His left hand.  He’s facing us like a handshake?  I don’t know…but it feels so strong to me, no flaccid, limp hand from God.  Nope, strong, holding me up, gripping me with His hand!

In chapter 42, he describes Himself both as a mighty man and a warrior…AND like a woman in childbirth!!!  My God fights for us as a man, a warrior, a woman.  And how cool to find a laboring woman with imagery of a WARRIOR!  And in chapter 43, He says, “Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children FROM THE EAST and gather you from the west.  I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’ and to the south, ’Do not hold them back.’  Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth – everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.”  I spent the afternoon with chills…and also kinda sweaty.   Have you ever gotten so excited about Scripture that your whole body reacts!?!

THEN, my friend Kim came over and we listened to our Beth Moore Esther study together.  She talked about the reversal of destiny, a peripety: “a sudden turn of events that reverses the expected or intended outcome,” and how in chapter 6 of Esther, God took the focus off of the people and what they were doing and onto Himself.  The hinge of the whole story was that God “took sleep from the king.”  She exhorted us to “fire” ourselves.  We’re not responsible for the “how.”

Here’s what’s blowing my mind.  I don’t believe in coincidences.  The day before we got the phone call, the heartbreaking call last week, I picked up a book that I hadn’t read in a month.  Alex had straightened the room and stuck it on a shelf, and out of sight, out of mind.  I grabbed it off the shelf for the beach last week, and it was like God used my husband to press pause on the book so that the exact pages that I needed to read right when I needed to read them came alive.  And I’d stopped reading Isaiah to study Esther and I picked it up again today and again, God had pushed “pause” and today pushed “play” for me to read those exact words that leapt off the page.  And then, the Beth Moore study today – I was supposed to hear that message 2 weeks ago, but I got busy and I went to the beach, and God saved it for me to hear TODAY.  My sweet Lord has been moving, moving when He’s seemed silent, and I’m sensing His hand now so clearly.  I don’t have my daughter yet, but God is walking with me, before me in all of this, through the pain, and I’m getting really excited to see what HE’S going to do, the “how” of it all.

Awhile ago, a friend sent me a passage from Spurgeon, and I have it hanging at eye level at my desk.  I do not want to disrespect those going through the toughest of times by calling my own journey “rough.”  But for me, right now, this is feeling a little rough.  And yet, I’ve never felt so loved and cherished by God.  Here’s what Spurgeon says about it:

‘He whose life is one even and smooth path, will see but little of the glory of the Lord, for he has few occasions of self-emptying, and hence, but little fitness for being filled with the revelation of God.  They who navigate little streams and shallow creeks, know but little of the God of tempests; but they who “do business in great waters,” these see His “wonders in the deep.” Among the huge Atlantic-waves of bereavement, poverty, temptation, and reproach, we learn the power of Jehovah, because we feel the littleness of man.

Thank God, then, if you have been led by a rough road; it is this which has given you your experience of God’s greatness and lovingkindness.  Your troubles have enriched you with a wealth of knowledge to be gained by no other means: your trials have been the cleft of the rock in which Jehovah has set you, as He did His servant Moses, that you might behold His glory as it passed by.  Praise God that you have not been left to the darkness and ignorance which continued prosperity might have involved, but that in the great fight of affliction, you have been capacitated for the outshinings of His glory in His wonderful dealings with you.”

Yes!  Today, I felt so fully, so deeply, that my hope is in God.  Not in MOWA, not in Gladney, not in the U.S. Embassy, not in anything we can do, but fully, completely, in my God, my God of hope.  Whenever our daughter can come home, it will be by His hand, His righteous hand, that it will come to pass.  Ooooooh, and I’m so excited to watch it unfold!  I will “do business in great waters.”  I am standing in the cleft of the rock and watching Him pass by!  The process is hard, but the process is so good, and after all, life IS about the process, not the result.  God will NEVER be finished with my family, until we’re home with Him.

Gladney’s in country rep is supposed to be meeting with the MOWA officer who reviewed our case to talk about it on THURSDAY.  Next Tuesday, MOWA is scheduled to review our case again, and on Wednesday, a week from today, it goes back to court.  I don’t know the “how” of it all or how God’s going to move, but I’m hoping and waiting expectantly to feel His hand in mine through every moment.  Satan does not want our little girl to have a family.  He doesn’t want her to hear about Jesus.  He hates adoption.  But my God CREATED adoption.  He loves it, He loves my girl, and He has written this story.