Hey, so I wish I could prepare you for this, but I can’t, so God, please prepare Slash’s little baby heart!  We are going to get to meet you, but then we’re going to have to leave you.  BUT WE’LL BE BACK!!!  Please don’t hate us for this.  Please, please, please forgive us for leaving you.  It’s all an important part of the process of becoming your family forever.  There IS a forever at the end of all this waiting and meeting and leaving.  The ugly-crying white lady and the white dude with the scruffy beard WILL come back for you.  You can count on it, little one.

So…nesting…maybe I’ll just sit here and write about it some more to avoid actually doing it….  Do they make a nesting pill for adoptive mothers?  Blech.  I love planning, but I’m not so into the reorganizing cabinets.  I love my label maker.  Maybe if someone could organize everything for me and I’ll just label it all when she’s done….

1. Trip to Memphis to meet Lindsey and Le, Ruta, and Alazar.  So slobbering excited about that.  We’re doing the Mojo Music Bus Tour and staying right on Beale Street.  I love the blues, and I loooovvve Lindsey and fam, who I feel like are our counterparts in Oklahoma City.  Can’t wait to talk sponsorship coordinators, Uganda, Ethiopia, adoption, and do some major laughing and celebrating, all while listening to killer music and eating barbeque.

2. The final batch of Adacar profiles should arrive any day now.  I keep checking the mail to see if they’ve come.  I’m just really excited to get all the kids sponsored.  Right now I have a ton of people to follow up with, but slowly I’m seeing my database of kids be filled with sponsors’ names.  Still a lot of blank ones, but people are slowly getting their payments set up.  And we’re making progress on the CarePoint.  More about that when I have concrete info.

3. HopeChest’s partner conference followed by the Together for Adoption conference.  I’m so excited to have quality face-to-face and hugging time with the Warrior Girls and to get to see Joseph (Uganda country director) again.  And to meet more and more and more adoptive parents.  Honestly, I’m meeting so many adoptive parents these days that it almost seems weird to me when I meet a family with all biological kids.  “Like, really?  You made all of these and they all look like you?  Weird!”  Ha!

4. Back to school!  I know, it’s cruel and unusual for me to look forward to that, but I abhor summer and all things shorts and sweating.  I love getting all my high school girls back on a regular basis, cooler weather, layering clothing, and being able to take Elliott to the park without getting a third degree burn.  Fall frolicking is around the corner, and as the leaves die, I start to live.  And one of my favorite things in fall is Vertical Reality, the fall retreat with the high school students.  I can’t wait to spend a whole weekend away with them.  We’ll have so much to talk about, starting high school and all.  I wouldn’t repeat that for a million dollars, but I love walking this road with them.

5. A referral?  Fall should mean we get to “meet” our little one, at least on paper.  I’m so excited to find out boy or girl, and hopefully that knowledge will give me lots to dream of and work on through the winter until we finally get to go.  In the meantime, I am happy to report that we’ve found a delicious Ethiopian restaurant in Atlanta (Thank you, Beattys!!), and I’ll be making lots of trips there to soak up the culture and shovel in the food.  As some of you know, Alex and I tried Ethiopian food years ago in Georgetown and it was terrible!  I love almost every kind of food on the planet, so I’ve just been sick about it (both literally for 24 hours after and figuratively).  I’ve been praying for God to allow me to love it, because both Ethiopia and food are such huge parts of my family.  Anyway, one bite at Queen of Sheba last week and we realized that Ethiopian food is DELICIOUS!  Our first experience in Georgetown must’ve just been BAD Ethiopian food, just like I’ve had bad American food.  Queen of Sheba was good, good, good, oh so good, and Elliott adored it, too, rising on his knees over the big family-style plate and scooping up the food with injera.

Okay, that’s enough anticipation for one post.  And just typing it all out has elevated me from my waiting funk and reminded me of what’s to come.  I also want to balance all the things to come with the things of NOW, because I don’t want to live in the future.  The now is good and is not to be wasted.  The now is digging into God, spending time with friends, kissing my husband, building really tall Lego towers with Elliott, helping unite sponsors with kids in Adacar, wearing my cute Sseko sandals (maybe the one benefit of summer weather in Georgia), and spending precious minutes with my parents.  Two of my close friends lost their parents last week, and I’m reminded that life is fleeting, there are no guarantees, and I want to enjoy every minute.  So, this post is kind of rambly, but I think I just blogged myself into a really hopeful and positive mood.

This week, I realized that the angst of the adoption process closely resembles being in your ninth month of pregnancy.  Okay, so I only made it to my seventh month with Elliott, but I’ve observed enough pregos to get the general idea.  When a woman is in her ninth month, and it even starts sometimes in the seventh or eighth months, really well-meaning people start to make comments like, “That baby isn’t here yet?”  and “You’re STILL pregnant?” and “How much longer?” and “Have you felt anything/any contractions/any indication at all that the baby is on the way?”  I’ve been guilty of several of these statements myself.  And it’s apparent that very preggers, swollen, bloated, uncomfortable women to not appreciate these comments.  You can almost see the steam rising from their heads as they try to fight the urge to body-slam you with their big ol’ bellies.

Well, waiting for an adoption is like being in your ninth month of pregnancy…for one, two, or heaven forbid, more YEARS.  (I know, I know, without the varicose veins and cankles.)  I love that people love me and care and ASK, and I don’t want that to go away.  I really don’t.  I love that I have someone almost every day asking how it’s going.  I’m grateful to have a community of friends and family members who care.  I just wish I had something to tell everyone!  Still waiting…nothing yet…Baby Dale is still in Africa waiting to find out that we love him-slash-her.  Still no contractions, ha-ha….

So anyway, dejected, exhausted, still-waiting me dragged into church yesterday and heard exactly what I needed to hear.  I mean, EXACTLY.  If you’re waiting for something, anything at all that’s hard to wait for, visit http://www.southside.org/index.php?pr=Messages and listen to Waiting Room/In the Meantime.  Jeff talked about using GPS while you’re waiting.  GRATITUDE, PERSISTENCE, AND SURRENDER.  I’ll let you listen to the message to hear how he unpacks that.  On the way out, they gave us stickers to put where we’ll see them.  Below is where I put mine:

-Gratitude for God’s faithfulness in letting me have Elliott

-Persistence in Prayer every day

-Surrender of my sweet Ethiopian baby to God’s timing

Hang in there, Boy-Slash-Girl.  It’s been almost a year since we started the process and it’s been 5 1/2 months since we’ve been “officially” waiting, but we’ve been waiting for you for a lot longer than that.  Ten years of marriage, 8 of which we’ve spent trying to build our family.  My faith is not shaken.  Not even close.  My faith in my loving Creator who has a perfect plan is stronger than ever.  However, my patience in the perfect plan is shaky.  This momma is tired.  I’m trying to find joy in each day, find purpose in each day, but the longer I wait, the more the reality of you creeps into the edges of my vision, where it’s blurry and unknown.  As I see mothers with babies who are about your age, my body longs for you, Baby Slash.  My arms ache to hold you, my eyes well up to look at your face, my fingers twitch to feel your hair, and my chest contracts as I can almost feel you nestled against me.  I’m wrecked.  I’m wracked.  I need you with me.  Each day I’m filled with equal parts anguish and joy, sparkling with wonder and laughter as I explore the world with Elliott and fighting full-body sobs as I grieve for the loss that you’re feeling right now.  Please find in me the healing that you need; let me point you to the one true Healer.  I’m comforted that He’s with you now, guiding your path, making a way for you to arrive in my arms.

This week, as I’ve waved my awesome-God sign and seen my orphan profile packets dwindle to 17 lonely teenagers in need of sponsors (only 17 more!), my thoughts have fluttered over to you more and more.  It’s hard for me to think about you too much right now.  I can help hundreds and hundreds of orphans, but I can’t help you right now, MY orphan.  My Slash, who is an orphan right now but won’t be soon cuz Mommy.  Is.  Coming.  To.  Get.  You.  Oh, I wish it was tomorrow.  I wish it was today.  I just want to hold you hold you hold you forever and I want forever to start now!  Slash!  I miss you, buddy.  I miss you and I haven’t even met you yet.  Yesterday Elliott said that he thinks you’re a baby sister.  I think you’re a baby brother.  I can’t wait to find out what you are.  Last week I watched girls make beaded necklaces and then yesterday I bought girly clothes for your new cousin who’ll be about your age, and I wanted you to be a GIRL!  But then last week I watched two brothers play ball together and yesterday I watched Elliott swim with the boys, and I wanted you to be a BOY!  Pretty much I’m excited about you no matter what you are.  Whatever you are, you’re going to fit into my family, your family, our family.  We’ve been 3 for 3 years now.  I want to be 4…and then if God wants to double or triple that number, I’m all for it, as long as they’re not all toddlers at the same time. 

Slash, okay, I’m just going to be really real with you right now, Mommy has tears in her eyes thinking about you.  I’ve held babies in Africa now.  Baby Slash, some of them are sick.  Their hair is bleached light with malnutrition and their eyes are sickly yellow and some of them have malaria and are anemic and need nutrients.  Oh buddy, is your hair too light?  Are your eyes yellow?   Do you have malaria?  Do you have a parasite or ringworm or a rumbly, hungry belly?  Do you need Mommy to kiss it and make it better?  I want to take you to Publix and get you a cookie while we wait for your antibiotics that’ll kill all the bugs living in you.  I want to fatten you up with Chick-fil-A chocolate milkshakes with some Juice Plus gummies on the side for good measure.  Slash, please hold on.  I am coming for you.  I’m going to make you yummy smoothies, and full disclosure, I hide spinach in my smoothies, so prepare to receive nutrients on the sly, sweet child.

I just put Elliott to bed.  Someday soon, you’ll sleep in the room right next to his.  Daddy and I will read you both stories and brush your teeth and pray with you.  This month, Elliott and I have been thanking God for making him.  “Thanks, God, for making Elliott’s laugh.  Thanks, God, for making Elliott’s blue eyes….”  I’m thanking God for making you, too, and I can’t wait to thank Him together.  Thanks, God, for making Slash’s big brown eyes.  Thanks, God, for making Slash’s sweet smile.  Thanks, God, for making Slash’s curly hair…Thanks, God, for making Slash for our family.

After dinner, I excitedly presented our moms with the “Love Goes Around” necklaces from JunkPosse, an early Mother’s Day since we’ll be in Africa.  As I was explaining how these necklaces help support and restore victims of sex trafficking, my sweet hubby pulls out a third white, heart-shaped box.  For me?  He gave me the JunkPosse “Heart for Africa” necklace!  Oh, how I wanted it so much.  And now, wherever I go, everyone will see how much I love Africa.  And my husband!  Happy Mother’s Day to me! 

After we all put on our new necklaces, we wandered over to the park, and as Elliott was playing, the ice cream truck pulled up.  As he slurped on his bubblegum-flavored popsicle, our parents spend time praying over us on our trip.  Wow.  I’ll never get over the incredible gift of having two sets of parents who like each other and have a common bond in Christ.  Elliott smeared blue and pink all over his mouth and peered up at us all bowing in prayer (Um, yeah, I peeked.).  I love that he has a mom, dad, two grandmothers, and two grandfathers who all pray together!  Our sweet moms are going to call each other each morning at 6:30am to pray for us while we’re on the trip.  Grateful.

I’m so excited for Slash to come into this family!  People keep asking, “Have you heard anything?”  “It’s getting close, isn’t it?”  No and no.  It’s discouraging, but this morning God reminded me that Slash will become part of our family at the perfect time, God’s time.  Waiting is full of all kinds of argh, but God has a lot for me to do while I wait. 

While I wait, I get to dress up in funny costumes with Elliott and march around banging on drums.

While I wait, I need to kiss the top of Elliott’s head about 150 times a day.

While I wait, I have about 300 orphans to hug in Uganda.

While I wait, I have about 260 orphans for whom to find sponsors.

While I wait, I want to get deeper into Scripture and fall more and more in love with Him.

While I wait, I get to graduate up to high school with my big 8th graders.

While I wait, I need to help abolish the sex trade.

While I wait, I need to see Adecar’s kitchen built and work on the next steps of the community development plan.

While I wait, I get to help my church embrace Africa and orphans.

While I wait, I have blogs to write and friends to encourage and brand-new high school girls to text and a husband to kiss and a 3-year-old with whom to work in the garden.  I have sweet tea to brew and bread to bake and loads of cuddling to do with Spike the dog.  So, I’m thinking maybe a healthy mix of saving the world, time with family, and nervous breakdowns at the feet of God.

Pros:

1. Two trips to Ethiopia!

2. Getting to meet our baby sooner than expected!

3. Two chances to fill our suitcases with humanitarian aid and visit Children’s HopeChest carepoints!

Cons:

1. Double the travel costs

2. The worst one…having my baby in my arms, being legally his/her mommy, and having to hand him/her back to the nanny and get on a plane!

So anyway, sorry I failed to mention the big adoption update.  The update is – more time in Africa.  We knew getting into this that adoption is a crazy world involving big faith.  God’s in charge and will unite us with Baby Slash in His perfect timing.  Whew!  I just felt my faith get bigger.  It felt good!

“All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be” Psalm 139:16.