I found a good deal on a crib and went ahead and bought it.  I went through Elliott’s old clothes and pulled out a few things to hang in the closet, just to make it look like an actual child will live in our guest room at some point.  Looking through Elliott’s old clothes reminds me of how tiny he was, my little four-pounder.  Where has the time gone?  When did he get tall enough to reach the sink?  I treasure these years with Elliott.  I don’t want to miss a moment because I’m too wrapped up in waiting for more.  Elliott is enough right now.  He is my now.  And soon Baby Slash boygirl will be my now, too.  RING, PHONE, RING!!!

1. Trip to Memphis to meet Lindsey and Le, Ruta, and Alazar.  So slobbering excited about that.  We’re doing the Mojo Music Bus Tour and staying right on Beale Street.  I love the blues, and I loooovvve Lindsey and fam, who I feel like are our counterparts in Oklahoma City.  Can’t wait to talk sponsorship coordinators, Uganda, Ethiopia, adoption, and do some major laughing and celebrating, all while listening to killer music and eating barbeque.

2. The final batch of Adacar profiles should arrive any day now.  I keep checking the mail to see if they’ve come.  I’m just really excited to get all the kids sponsored.  Right now I have a ton of people to follow up with, but slowly I’m seeing my database of kids be filled with sponsors’ names.  Still a lot of blank ones, but people are slowly getting their payments set up.  And we’re making progress on the CarePoint.  More about that when I have concrete info.

3. HopeChest’s partner conference followed by the Together for Adoption conference.  I’m so excited to have quality face-to-face and hugging time with the Warrior Girls and to get to see Joseph (Uganda country director) again.  And to meet more and more and more adoptive parents.  Honestly, I’m meeting so many adoptive parents these days that it almost seems weird to me when I meet a family with all biological kids.  “Like, really?  You made all of these and they all look like you?  Weird!”  Ha!

4. Back to school!  I know, it’s cruel and unusual for me to look forward to that, but I abhor summer and all things shorts and sweating.  I love getting all my high school girls back on a regular basis, cooler weather, layering clothing, and being able to take Elliott to the park without getting a third degree burn.  Fall frolicking is around the corner, and as the leaves die, I start to live.  And one of my favorite things in fall is Vertical Reality, the fall retreat with the high school students.  I can’t wait to spend a whole weekend away with them.  We’ll have so much to talk about, starting high school and all.  I wouldn’t repeat that for a million dollars, but I love walking this road with them.

5. A referral?  Fall should mean we get to “meet” our little one, at least on paper.  I’m so excited to find out boy or girl, and hopefully that knowledge will give me lots to dream of and work on through the winter until we finally get to go.  In the meantime, I am happy to report that we’ve found a delicious Ethiopian restaurant in Atlanta (Thank you, Beattys!!), and I’ll be making lots of trips there to soak up the culture and shovel in the food.  As some of you know, Alex and I tried Ethiopian food years ago in Georgetown and it was terrible!  I love almost every kind of food on the planet, so I’ve just been sick about it (both literally for 24 hours after and figuratively).  I’ve been praying for God to allow me to love it, because both Ethiopia and food are such huge parts of my family.  Anyway, one bite at Queen of Sheba last week and we realized that Ethiopian food is DELICIOUS!  Our first experience in Georgetown must’ve just been BAD Ethiopian food, just like I’ve had bad American food.  Queen of Sheba was good, good, good, oh so good, and Elliott adored it, too, rising on his knees over the big family-style plate and scooping up the food with injera.

Okay, that’s enough anticipation for one post.  And just typing it all out has elevated me from my waiting funk and reminded me of what’s to come.  I also want to balance all the things to come with the things of NOW, because I don’t want to live in the future.  The now is good and is not to be wasted.  The now is digging into God, spending time with friends, kissing my husband, building really tall Lego towers with Elliott, helping unite sponsors with kids in Adacar, wearing my cute Sseko sandals (maybe the one benefit of summer weather in Georgia), and spending precious minutes with my parents.  Two of my close friends lost their parents last week, and I’m reminded that life is fleeting, there are no guarantees, and I want to enjoy every minute.  So, this post is kind of rambly, but I think I just blogged myself into a really hopeful and positive mood.

Hang in there, Boy-Slash-Girl.  It’s been almost a year since we started the process and it’s been 5 1/2 months since we’ve been “officially” waiting, but we’ve been waiting for you for a lot longer than that.  Ten years of marriage, 8 of which we’ve spent trying to build our family.  My faith is not shaken.  Not even close.  My faith in my loving Creator who has a perfect plan is stronger than ever.  However, my patience in the perfect plan is shaky.  This momma is tired.  I’m trying to find joy in each day, find purpose in each day, but the longer I wait, the more the reality of you creeps into the edges of my vision, where it’s blurry and unknown.  As I see mothers with babies who are about your age, my body longs for you, Baby Slash.  My arms ache to hold you, my eyes well up to look at your face, my fingers twitch to feel your hair, and my chest contracts as I can almost feel you nestled against me.  I’m wrecked.  I’m wracked.  I need you with me.  Each day I’m filled with equal parts anguish and joy, sparkling with wonder and laughter as I explore the world with Elliott and fighting full-body sobs as I grieve for the loss that you’re feeling right now.  Please find in me the healing that you need; let me point you to the one true Healer.  I’m comforted that He’s with you now, guiding your path, making a way for you to arrive in my arms.

I remember all those years that I begged and begged God to be a mother, to watch Alex be a father.  I am so grateful for Elliott.  And I’m so grateful that God chose to answer my begs in a way that I never saw coming.  What a privilege to spend the day celebrating my incredible husband, my brother, also an awesome father, and my dad, the most amazing role model a girl could have and the most loving and compassionate and godly man on the planet.  I am so blessed to have these men in my life, and I’m so blessed to have them in the life of my son.  Tonight I’m filled with equal parts joy for the father in my life and anguish for the millions of kids without daddies to hold them.  I’m so in love with the Father to the fatherless. 

God, in this broken world filled with hurting kids, be enough for them tonight.  Show them how much You love them.  Fill their hearts with God-powered Daddy-love.

This week, as I’ve waved my awesome-God sign and seen my orphan profile packets dwindle to 17 lonely teenagers in need of sponsors (only 17 more!), my thoughts have fluttered over to you more and more.  It’s hard for me to think about you too much right now.  I can help hundreds and hundreds of orphans, but I can’t help you right now, MY orphan.  My Slash, who is an orphan right now but won’t be soon cuz Mommy.  Is.  Coming.  To.  Get.  You.  Oh, I wish it was tomorrow.  I wish it was today.  I just want to hold you hold you hold you forever and I want forever to start now!  Slash!  I miss you, buddy.  I miss you and I haven’t even met you yet.  Yesterday Elliott said that he thinks you’re a baby sister.  I think you’re a baby brother.  I can’t wait to find out what you are.  Last week I watched girls make beaded necklaces and then yesterday I bought girly clothes for your new cousin who’ll be about your age, and I wanted you to be a GIRL!  But then last week I watched two brothers play ball together and yesterday I watched Elliott swim with the boys, and I wanted you to be a BOY!  Pretty much I’m excited about you no matter what you are.  Whatever you are, you’re going to fit into my family, your family, our family.  We’ve been 3 for 3 years now.  I want to be 4…and then if God wants to double or triple that number, I’m all for it, as long as they’re not all toddlers at the same time. 

Slash, okay, I’m just going to be really real with you right now, Mommy has tears in her eyes thinking about you.  I’ve held babies in Africa now.  Baby Slash, some of them are sick.  Their hair is bleached light with malnutrition and their eyes are sickly yellow and some of them have malaria and are anemic and need nutrients.  Oh buddy, is your hair too light?  Are your eyes yellow?   Do you have malaria?  Do you have a parasite or ringworm or a rumbly, hungry belly?  Do you need Mommy to kiss it and make it better?  I want to take you to Publix and get you a cookie while we wait for your antibiotics that’ll kill all the bugs living in you.  I want to fatten you up with Chick-fil-A chocolate milkshakes with some Juice Plus gummies on the side for good measure.  Slash, please hold on.  I am coming for you.  I’m going to make you yummy smoothies, and full disclosure, I hide spinach in my smoothies, so prepare to receive nutrients on the sly, sweet child.

I just put Elliott to bed.  Someday soon, you’ll sleep in the room right next to his.  Daddy and I will read you both stories and brush your teeth and pray with you.  This month, Elliott and I have been thanking God for making him.  “Thanks, God, for making Elliott’s laugh.  Thanks, God, for making Elliott’s blue eyes….”  I’m thanking God for making you, too, and I can’t wait to thank Him together.  Thanks, God, for making Slash’s big brown eyes.  Thanks, God, for making Slash’s sweet smile.  Thanks, God, for making Slash’s curly hair…Thanks, God, for making Slash for our family.

After dinner, I excitedly presented our moms with the “Love Goes Around” necklaces from JunkPosse, an early Mother’s Day since we’ll be in Africa.  As I was explaining how these necklaces help support and restore victims of sex trafficking, my sweet hubby pulls out a third white, heart-shaped box.  For me?  He gave me the JunkPosse “Heart for Africa” necklace!  Oh, how I wanted it so much.  And now, wherever I go, everyone will see how much I love Africa.  And my husband!  Happy Mother’s Day to me! 

After we all put on our new necklaces, we wandered over to the park, and as Elliott was playing, the ice cream truck pulled up.  As he slurped on his bubblegum-flavored popsicle, our parents spend time praying over us on our trip.  Wow.  I’ll never get over the incredible gift of having two sets of parents who like each other and have a common bond in Christ.  Elliott smeared blue and pink all over his mouth and peered up at us all bowing in prayer (Um, yeah, I peeked.).  I love that he has a mom, dad, two grandmothers, and two grandfathers who all pray together!  Our sweet moms are going to call each other each morning at 6:30am to pray for us while we’re on the trip.  Grateful.

I’m so excited for Slash to come into this family!  People keep asking, “Have you heard anything?”  “It’s getting close, isn’t it?”  No and no.  It’s discouraging, but this morning God reminded me that Slash will become part of our family at the perfect time, God’s time.  Waiting is full of all kinds of argh, but God has a lot for me to do while I wait. 

While I wait, I get to dress up in funny costumes with Elliott and march around banging on drums.

While I wait, I need to kiss the top of Elliott’s head about 150 times a day.

While I wait, I have about 300 orphans to hug in Uganda.

While I wait, I have about 260 orphans for whom to find sponsors.

While I wait, I want to get deeper into Scripture and fall more and more in love with Him.

While I wait, I get to graduate up to high school with my big 8th graders.

While I wait, I need to help abolish the sex trade.

While I wait, I need to see Adecar’s kitchen built and work on the next steps of the community development plan.

While I wait, I get to help my church embrace Africa and orphans.

While I wait, I have blogs to write and friends to encourage and brand-new high school girls to text and a husband to kiss and a 3-year-old with whom to work in the garden.  I have sweet tea to brew and bread to bake and loads of cuddling to do with Spike the dog.  So, I’m thinking maybe a healthy mix of saving the world, time with family, and nervous breakdowns at the feet of God.

I’m praying that today each person would take the next step.  If you’re not sponsoring a child, do it!  Increase your family!  Be a mommy or daddy for another child who needs you!  If you’re already sponsoring a child, sit down today and write to your child.  Breathe words of truth and love, life-giving words to a lonely child who needs to hear them.  Don’t worry about whether or not you’ve heard from your child.  I don’t love my son based on what he gives me.  Thankfully, God doesn’t love me based on what I give Him.  Today, I’ll write Bosco and George because I love them and they are a part of my family. 

Maybe it’s becoming a sponsor (Contact me if it is!), maybe it’s writing to your sponsored child, maybe it’s a child on your street that needs encouragement, or a child in your daughter’s class.  Today, DON’T HORDE YOUR PARENTING!  The more I extend the borders of my family, the more I want to open up.  I don’t want to limit my mommying to my biological child, or even to my future adopted children.  I want to share my mom-ness, my mom-oscity with kids who need me, to Bosco in Ngarium, to George in Adecar, and to all the kids living in Adecar and Uganda.  I want to take the love and nurturing that God has given me and share it with any child who needs it.  Being a mother is the greatest gift imaginable.  I never take it for granted.  What a privilege to parent!  And I cannot in good conscience take the gift that’s been given to me and hide it in my house.

Some might say that there’s only so much room in your heart and schedule.  Better to stick with the kids you have.  Your own child will suffer if you open up to too many others.  I don’t think that’s true!  The more I love, well, the more I love.  The more I love Elliott, the more my love expands and I have more and more and more love to extend to others.  God is love, and He’s the source of all love, and He doesn’t run out!  The more I love, the fuller I feel, the more love spills out of me. 

I have a stack of sweet kids right here on my desk who need to hear that someone cares about them, that God the Father loves them.  So today, expand the borders of your family.  Don’t horde your parenting!

You know those families with all the good kids that love the Lord?  You know, the families where everyone goes, “What are they doing right and how do I learn how to do that, too?”  Recently I visited one of those families.  Elliott’s babysitter, an incredible girl who loves the Lord with her whole heart, was in a terrible golf carting accident that nearly took her life.  We went over to visit with her.  Elliott and I pulled up to her curb in our golf cart.  We saw high school guys and girls playing soccer on the front lawn.  More kids hanging out in front of the garage.  We walked inside, more teenagers.  Our sweet babysitter was lying on the couch talking with more friends.  Everywhere I looked, I saw Bible verses.  Her dad immediately started playing with Elliott and showing him all the musical instruments in the house.  As I spoke with our sitter, I heard the piano, the drum set, and a guitar, all playing worship music.  I found Elliott sitting at the drum set, having the time of his life, and the dad taking pictures of him telling me how gifted my son is.  The mom walked over to me and just breathed life into me about Elliott’s speech delays, and shared her wisdom on decisions about preschool.  These parents had almost lost one of their children the day before, yet they took the time to encourage me, a young mom, and show my son attention and love.  I was blown away.  They were so present in that home.  Not on the phone.  Not working around the house.  They were present and invested in the young lives around them.  They have so much love for Christ that it spilled out onto the kids in the house.  I didn’t want to leave.  I felt so accepted and…full of joy.  No one was watching TV.  No one was playing video games.  They don’t have a fancy house filled with the latest gadgetry.  Their home is filled with the love of Christ and relationships.

So often I’ve fallen for the lie that we as parents need to create an exciting house that will lure kids to want to hang out in it.  And the lie that we as student ministry leaders need to create an over-the-top, mind-blowing experience to lure kids to love Christ.  Movies, gaming systems, prizes, me out of the way enough so as not to scare them off.  I’m not buying it anymore.  Literally, I’m not BUYING it.  No more buying things in order to sell Christ.  I think if we can work on loving Christ and really digging into Him, soaking up His love for us, then His love will exude out of us and THAT will make us attractive to our kids and their friends. 

I found further confirmation for this realization over the weekend at a retreat with my 8th grade girls.  On Saturday night, we took turns going around the circle and telling each other what we love about each other.  It was one of the girls’ ideas.  I thought, sure, this’ll be a fun little half-hour exercise.  It took us 2-3 hours.  We didn’t finish till after 1am.  There we were, sitting in someone’s gorgeous home theater with a screen the size of the whole wall, and it wasn’t on.  No one was texting.  We just sat and spoke love to one another.  We laughed hysterically and we cried with overwhelming joy.  And when it was my turn, I had the privilege of hearing what I was doing right – being myself, loving them, glowing when I see them…you get the idea.  Relationships.  Not stuff.  Such a good lesson.  I’m learning it as a youth leader and as a parent, and I hope as Elliott gets older that I get it right.  I certainly have some good role models.