I’ve lost my inner woo-hoo and found myself swept away by the dismal undertow of despair.  I’ve criticized God for not rescuing more, for not stepping up like I know He can.  Too much corruption, too much pain and suffering, too many deaths and sunken, hopeless eyes.  My faith is still solid, but eek, my patience is wearing thin.

And as I’ve sat exhausted, after pounding God’s chest with my little fists and looking defiantly up at Him through tear-scorched eyes, I’ve found the comfort of a Father who’s grieving with me, who hates it more than I do.  And I’ve felt something return to me as I’ve flopped down in surrender.

Hope.

Hope in who I know God is.  Hope in His character.  Hope in His plan.  Hope in His promises.  And this week I’m looking through fresh, smile-crinkled eyes at the work that He’s doing around me.  I see it.  I see Him. 

Maybe some of you have felt overburdened lately.  Maybe you’ve struggled like I have to see God amidst all the suffering.  This week, I’m challenging us to celebrate.  To choose to celebrate what God has done and what God is doing and what God will do.  Our God has not forgotten those who we serve.  He is mighty to save.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit” Romans 15:13.

Today, I want us to overflow with hope in the Lord.  To remember the “broken walls” that He has repaired and the “streets with dwellings” that He has restored.  Today, let’s celebrate all the answers.  Our God is faithful, and He is just, and He is worthy of our praise.

Some ideas for celebrating the Lord today:
-Set a stopwatch for 60 seconds and start scribbling down every answer to prayer that you’ve seen in your ministry this year. 
-Put on worship music and dance, sing, or doodle in praise of God’s faithfulness. 
-Look through pictures of a trip or an experience when you saw God move in a big way.
-Write down the names of the people who you saw God save, heal, change, grow, or rescue.  Praise Him for each name, each life.
-Scour the Bible for your favorite verses extolling God’s faithfulness and the hope that He has to offer.
-Join us for the iFast call and celebrate Him together!

Join us tomorrow morning first thing for a time of corporate prayer. I promise, you’ll be blessed!
Wednesdays 9:30 AM (eastern) at CALL IN # : 760- 569- 9000 ID: 968101   We are also adding a NEW CALL!!!  This one will be at 1:30 (eastern) and will focus on prayer for those who are being trafficked into the sex trade.  Join us!

I don’t know.  I don’t understand.  HOWEVER.  I still trust Him.  My faith is not shaken.  Because I know Him.  I know His heart for these kids, because I read it in His word.  I feel it when I’m serving them.  I know He loves them more than I do and I’ve seen Him rescue.  But I don’t know why He’s not rescuing more.  I’m a greedy little pray-er, begging for rescue after rescue.  It’s never enough.  And so then I cry out to Him to just come back.  Jesus, just come back!  The world needs a do-over. 

I’m so grateful to serve a God who can handle my discontent.  And ohhhh, how I am so discontented right now with the pain in the world.  I’ve had some harsh words for God these past few weeks.  I’m so glad that He can handle it.  He can absorb my anger and frustration.  He’s strong enough to let me beat my fists against His mighty chest over and over, flailing and kicking and sobbing in anger.  Why, God?  Why, why, why?!?!  I can’t see it.  I can’t see Your plan.  Are these kids collateral damage in Your cosmic battle?  And I can screech at Him with all my human ferocity and know that He’s God.  He can handle it.  He can handle how pissed off I am.  In fact, I think He put a bunch of pleading, griping, and bullying in His word to show us how to let Him have it.  So today, I’m giving Him everything I have, all my crap, screaming at Him, punching at Him, but running TO Him.  Because if I can’t take all this angst to God, who can I take it to?

Psalm 77
For the director of music. For Jeduthun. Of Asaph. A psalm.
 1 I cried out to God for help;
       I cried out to God to hear me.

 2 When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;
       at night I stretched out untiring hands
       and my soul refused to be comforted.

 3 I remembered you, O God, and I groaned;
       I mused, and my spirit grew faint.
       Selah

 4 You kept my eyes from closing;
       I was too troubled to speak.

 5 I thought about the former days,
       the years of long ago;

 6 I remembered my songs in the night.
       My heart mused and my spirit inquired:

 7 “Will the Lord reject forever?
       Will he never show his favor again?

 8 Has his unfailing love vanished forever?
       Has his promise failed for all time?

 9 Has God forgotten to be merciful?
       Has he in anger withheld his compassion?”
       Selah

 10 Then I thought, “To this I will appeal:
       the years of the right hand of the Most High.”

 11 I will remember the deeds of the LORD;
       yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.

 12 I will meditate on all your works
       and consider all your mighty deeds.

 13 Your ways, O God, are holy.
       What god is so great as our God?

 14 You are the God who performs miracles;
       you display your power among the peoples.

 15 With your mighty arm you redeemed your people,
       the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.
       Selah

 16 The waters saw you, O God,
       the waters saw you and writhed;
       the very depths were convulsed.

 17 The clouds poured down water,
       the skies resounded with thunder;
       your arrows flashed back and forth.

 18 Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind,
       your lightning lit up the world;
       the earth trembled and quaked.

 19 Your path led through the sea,
       your way through the mighty waters,
       though your footprints were not seen.

 20 You led your people like a flock
       by the hand of Moses and Aaron.

This week, I realized that the angst of the adoption process closely resembles being in your ninth month of pregnancy.  Okay, so I only made it to my seventh month with Elliott, but I’ve observed enough pregos to get the general idea.  When a woman is in her ninth month, and it even starts sometimes in the seventh or eighth months, really well-meaning people start to make comments like, “That baby isn’t here yet?”  and “You’re STILL pregnant?” and “How much longer?” and “Have you felt anything/any contractions/any indication at all that the baby is on the way?”  I’ve been guilty of several of these statements myself.  And it’s apparent that very preggers, swollen, bloated, uncomfortable women to not appreciate these comments.  You can almost see the steam rising from their heads as they try to fight the urge to body-slam you with their big ol’ bellies.

Well, waiting for an adoption is like being in your ninth month of pregnancy…for one, two, or heaven forbid, more YEARS.  (I know, I know, without the varicose veins and cankles.)  I love that people love me and care and ASK, and I don’t want that to go away.  I really don’t.  I love that I have someone almost every day asking how it’s going.  I’m grateful to have a community of friends and family members who care.  I just wish I had something to tell everyone!  Still waiting…nothing yet…Baby Dale is still in Africa waiting to find out that we love him-slash-her.  Still no contractions, ha-ha….

So anyway, dejected, exhausted, still-waiting me dragged into church yesterday and heard exactly what I needed to hear.  I mean, EXACTLY.  If you’re waiting for something, anything at all that’s hard to wait for, visit http://www.southside.org/index.php?pr=Messages and listen to Waiting Room/In the Meantime.  Jeff talked about using GPS while you’re waiting.  GRATITUDE, PERSISTENCE, AND SURRENDER.  I’ll let you listen to the message to hear how he unpacks that.  On the way out, they gave us stickers to put where we’ll see them.  Below is where I put mine:

-Gratitude for God’s faithfulness in letting me have Elliott

-Persistence in Prayer every day

-Surrender of my sweet Ethiopian baby to God’s timing

After dinner, I excitedly presented our moms with the “Love Goes Around” necklaces from JunkPosse, an early Mother’s Day since we’ll be in Africa.  As I was explaining how these necklaces help support and restore victims of sex trafficking, my sweet hubby pulls out a third white, heart-shaped box.  For me?  He gave me the JunkPosse “Heart for Africa” necklace!  Oh, how I wanted it so much.  And now, wherever I go, everyone will see how much I love Africa.  And my husband!  Happy Mother’s Day to me! 

After we all put on our new necklaces, we wandered over to the park, and as Elliott was playing, the ice cream truck pulled up.  As he slurped on his bubblegum-flavored popsicle, our parents spend time praying over us on our trip.  Wow.  I’ll never get over the incredible gift of having two sets of parents who like each other and have a common bond in Christ.  Elliott smeared blue and pink all over his mouth and peered up at us all bowing in prayer (Um, yeah, I peeked.).  I love that he has a mom, dad, two grandmothers, and two grandfathers who all pray together!  Our sweet moms are going to call each other each morning at 6:30am to pray for us while we’re on the trip.  Grateful.

I’m so excited for Slash to come into this family!  People keep asking, “Have you heard anything?”  “It’s getting close, isn’t it?”  No and no.  It’s discouraging, but this morning God reminded me that Slash will become part of our family at the perfect time, God’s time.  Waiting is full of all kinds of argh, but God has a lot for me to do while I wait. 

While I wait, I get to dress up in funny costumes with Elliott and march around banging on drums.

While I wait, I need to kiss the top of Elliott’s head about 150 times a day.

While I wait, I have about 300 orphans to hug in Uganda.

While I wait, I have about 260 orphans for whom to find sponsors.

While I wait, I want to get deeper into Scripture and fall more and more in love with Him.

While I wait, I get to graduate up to high school with my big 8th graders.

While I wait, I need to help abolish the sex trade.

While I wait, I need to see Adecar’s kitchen built and work on the next steps of the community development plan.

While I wait, I get to help my church embrace Africa and orphans.

While I wait, I have blogs to write and friends to encourage and brand-new high school girls to text and a husband to kiss and a 3-year-old with whom to work in the garden.  I have sweet tea to brew and bread to bake and loads of cuddling to do with Spike the dog.  So, I’m thinking maybe a healthy mix of saving the world, time with family, and nervous breakdowns at the feet of God.

So, pour me out, God!  Let me be a part of Your redemptive plan for these kids and for my community.  I just want to work, and I’ll leave EVERYTHING up to You.  For You, by You, because of You.  Wheee!  That’s freedom.

You know those families with all the good kids that love the Lord?  You know, the families where everyone goes, “What are they doing right and how do I learn how to do that, too?”  Recently I visited one of those families.  Elliott’s babysitter, an incredible girl who loves the Lord with her whole heart, was in a terrible golf carting accident that nearly took her life.  We went over to visit with her.  Elliott and I pulled up to her curb in our golf cart.  We saw high school guys and girls playing soccer on the front lawn.  More kids hanging out in front of the garage.  We walked inside, more teenagers.  Our sweet babysitter was lying on the couch talking with more friends.  Everywhere I looked, I saw Bible verses.  Her dad immediately started playing with Elliott and showing him all the musical instruments in the house.  As I spoke with our sitter, I heard the piano, the drum set, and a guitar, all playing worship music.  I found Elliott sitting at the drum set, having the time of his life, and the dad taking pictures of him telling me how gifted my son is.  The mom walked over to me and just breathed life into me about Elliott’s speech delays, and shared her wisdom on decisions about preschool.  These parents had almost lost one of their children the day before, yet they took the time to encourage me, a young mom, and show my son attention and love.  I was blown away.  They were so present in that home.  Not on the phone.  Not working around the house.  They were present and invested in the young lives around them.  They have so much love for Christ that it spilled out onto the kids in the house.  I didn’t want to leave.  I felt so accepted and…full of joy.  No one was watching TV.  No one was playing video games.  They don’t have a fancy house filled with the latest gadgetry.  Their home is filled with the love of Christ and relationships.

So often I’ve fallen for the lie that we as parents need to create an exciting house that will lure kids to want to hang out in it.  And the lie that we as student ministry leaders need to create an over-the-top, mind-blowing experience to lure kids to love Christ.  Movies, gaming systems, prizes, me out of the way enough so as not to scare them off.  I’m not buying it anymore.  Literally, I’m not BUYING it.  No more buying things in order to sell Christ.  I think if we can work on loving Christ and really digging into Him, soaking up His love for us, then His love will exude out of us and THAT will make us attractive to our kids and their friends. 

I found further confirmation for this realization over the weekend at a retreat with my 8th grade girls.  On Saturday night, we took turns going around the circle and telling each other what we love about each other.  It was one of the girls’ ideas.  I thought, sure, this’ll be a fun little half-hour exercise.  It took us 2-3 hours.  We didn’t finish till after 1am.  There we were, sitting in someone’s gorgeous home theater with a screen the size of the whole wall, and it wasn’t on.  No one was texting.  We just sat and spoke love to one another.  We laughed hysterically and we cried with overwhelming joy.  And when it was my turn, I had the privilege of hearing what I was doing right – being myself, loving them, glowing when I see them…you get the idea.  Relationships.  Not stuff.  Such a good lesson.  I’m learning it as a youth leader and as a parent, and I hope as Elliott gets older that I get it right.  I certainly have some good role models.

Lately I’ve been crawling into my Father’s lap in the afternoon while Elliott is taking his nap.  I grab my favorite fuzzy blanket and lay on the couch.  I read the Bible or some of Francis Chan’s Crazy Love and just listen to my Daddy, my Abba.  I pour out my fears, tell Him about the big decisions and issues I have, thank Him for loving me.  I usually fall in and out of sleep.  I used to feel guilty about sleep-praying, but I see it differently now.  Have I ever gotten mad at Elliott for falling asleep in my arms?  Have I ever been hurt by his inability to keep his eyes open when I’m holding him?  Nope.  Not once.  I love every sleepy moment with my son. 

How much more does God love me?  I think when I choose to get up from my computer, walk out of my kitchen, put down my cell phone, and crawl into His lap…I think He loves every moment, sleeping and awake.  I come out of that time with Him refreshed, restored, and reminded of His deep, deep love for me, love that’s somehow even greater than the love I feel for Elliott.

A nap in God’s lap.  A lap nap.  Go grab your Bible and try one the next time life feels really overwhelming.